


Evening and Evening On

by fishydwarrows



Category: The Hobbit, The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Compliant Battle of Five Armies, Children, Depression, Don't worry though, Hint, Hobbits, I got very sad whilst writing this, I loved writing this and i hope you like reading it, Loneliness, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Post-Canon, Sansukh reference see if you can find it, The Shire, after BotFA, and he's lonely, bagginshield, bilbo my poor son, faunts, for a full reading experience:, have fun suffering, he keeps getting older, its literally the last chapter lmao, lots of subtext, mentions of depression, read between the lines - Freeform, sometimes quite literally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 13:15:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 4,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5709562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fishydwarrows/pseuds/fishydwarrows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Gamgee cleaned out Bag-End one day and found a trunk of letters written by Bilbo Baggins himself (local legend) Most of the letters have been lost, here are the few that survived the years. Each letter has been donated to the local Hobbiton Mathom House.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. T.A. 2942

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Thrimidge,

 

Trewsday,

 

T.A. 2942

 

Dear Thorin,

 

It certainly is funny business, writing to a corpse. In all honestly, I do not know when this idea struck me so. I suppose I should write letters to Fili and Kili too, though I must admit I feel averse even to writing to you. But I feel it is necessary in certain rights to find a suitable outlet to certain regards or feelings I may ~~have~~ had.

The Shire is slowly getting warmer. You only visited once I should imagine. You only came to whisk me off and throw ~~my heart~~ me into danger. I have resolved myself to not think much of the past as the past is usually dredged with unwanted reminders. You come oft into my memory, sometimes I see you, you’re standing in my kitchen smiling at me as you did once in incredulity at my skills as a thief, well… burglar I should say. But, in my mind you do not scoff and dismiss me in my own house. Your smile is genuine and kind. Sometimes I remember unsavory parts of our Company’s venture. The dark, damp places we slept. ~~The glowing eyes of creatures waiting to pounce~~ ~~.~~ I remember you. You with a manic gleam in your eye and gold draped over you like a shining cage. Its those nights I seem to never fall asleep.

My home was empty when I returned, ~~and sometimes I wonder if you felt sorrowful when we entered that tomb called Erebor~~  sometimes I think about how it would be with children running at my heels. I’ll have you know: I have thought about children. I’ve thought about many things… Did you know that Lobelia Sackville-Baggins had stolen my spoons. Bombur had commented once that no woman, dwarf or hobbit, could be that petty. ~~Let him know I was right.~~ I forget… that you cannot read this.

I think I shall lock this letter in the trunk that sits in my study’s hall. I doubt anyone would look.

I have had no visitors except Hamfast Gamgee, and that was only due to the fact that he remained to tend my garden after me being absent for a year. A year! I have thanked him profusely and offered to visit for Elevensies sometime. He said he could not take me up on it, but it was kind of me to ask.

 ~~I get lonely.~~  It is quiet here in Bag End. I never noticed it before. I suppose it’s because there was no one to really miss, except my parents.

I really must stop running off topic. What would my father think of me?

Thorin, I think you would have liked my family. I suppose my mother would approve of you right away, she was always the most adventurous of the entire family. She being a Took and all. Perhaps my father would have taken a liking to you. I can never ask. So I guess I must remain here theorizing ‘til the end of my days and whatnot.

I regret to admit that I have to finish this letter now. I must maintain some form of propriety though I loathe to admit, I’m only doing it to get Lobelia off my back. I honestly don’t know if I will continue this silly little whim, well, we’ll see how it goes.

 

From, Bilbo


	2. T.A. 2942

Thrimidge,

  
Sterday,

  
T.A. 2942

 

Dear Thorin,

I have had a miserable four days. Lobelia practically has deemed it fit to scrutinize every bit of my way of life from now on. She complains, and complains, and complains. I thought I was irked by her before but now… She is the most insufferable being I have ever had the misfortune to be related to. I am honestly not sure if she means well or not and that is the worst part! Even whilst she was fussing she almost managed to get one of my spoons. My spoons! Again! The nerve of the woman!

  
Alas, my cleaning has not gotten far. It seems if people ransack your home after you are presumed dead it takes a while to recover lost property. But, it is getting better.

  
You know, I found my handkerchief. The one I complained so much about in the beginning of the quest. It was sitting on the floor, covered in dust and illuminated by the sunshine from one of my windows. I’m not sure what to make of it…

  
I have been feeling very tired lately. like ~~I’ve lost every last bit of hope I had left~~ like I haven’t slept in days. In all honesty, I’ve slept more than I ever had before. I assume it is just the long months of travel finally catching up with me. Excitement really runs one ragged.

  
Sometimes, I like to think that you can read these.

  
Hamfast comes over at times to check on me. He’s very kind. I saw him admiring Bell Goodchild from afar, I don’t know if he realizes he’s doing it yet. It’s quite amusing.  
Regrettably I must end this letter, someone is knocking.

 

From, Bilbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates every Tuesday and Thursday
> 
> Thank you for the positive response! Remember, please comment! Thank you!


	3. T.A. 2942

Thrimidge,

  
Highday,

  
T.A. 2942

 

Dear Thorin,

 

I feel terrible. Every day I feel slower, more slogged by an invisible fog. I often sleep during midday. Hamfast is getting worried.

  
I’ve been telling myself that I’m fine.

  
~~I don’t feel fine.~~

  
I feel stretched, thinned, like a tanned hide of some sort of animal that’s been left to dry. It’s a horrible feeling.

  
I did clean a bit. That’s all I seem to do now. Clean. In all means I like cleaning, it’s just ~~it seems like a routine now~~ it seems, everything seems so tiring.

  
Speaking of which, I have been working all day with Hamfast. We decided to fix up the garden, luckily my tomatoes have remained. It’s getting hotter everyday now, summer is coming to the Shire. It feels like just yesterday that snow was biting at my toes and Erebor was at our finger-tips. I wish you could have seen the Shire in summer, or fall, or winter even. The leaves become crinkled and fall away in your hands. The brevity of it is moving. You’d like it. You always ~~seem to have~~ had a slight flare for dramatics.

Anyway, I must end this. I’ve been working hard and I think I deserve a treat. I’ve decided to try and emulate my mother’s old chocolate cookie recipe. It’s sure to taste delicious if I get it right.

From, Bilbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the wonderful feedback! Remember to leave a comment, updates on Tuesdays and Thursdays!


	4. T.A. 2942

Forelithe,

  
Heavensday,

  
T.A. 2942

 

I miss you.

  
~~I want you here.~~

~~_I need you here._ It’s not the same.~~

~~Nothing's the same.~~

~~I don’t want to be alone.~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Hahahha I'm sorry) Also: Surprise! Instead of two updates you're getting three this week! (my little present to heal your aching souls)
> 
> Please comment! Thanks for reading!


	5. T.A. 2942

Wedmath,

  
Monday,

  
T.A. 2942

 

Thorin,

 

I find myself more occupied so I have less time to write as before.

  
It has been annoyingly hot this summer. Sadly, my tomatoes didn’t survive. I grow tomatoes you know. Round, plump things, the best of fruits in my opinion. My mother used to love them. I cannot remember if I have written about the tomatoes before. It has been such a long while since I’ve written you a letter.

Though I know you won’t mind ~~because I know you can’t read them~~

  
Hamfast is still admiring Ms. Goodchild from afar, it’s really charming. I wonder, was I like that? ~~Did we never notice until it was too late?~~ I shouldn’t dwell on the past. I can only move forward now. I think I’m finally getting better. For two months I felt endlessly tired. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, but I find I can manage it better now. Hamfast and I have written down the signs of my, I wonder what we would call it… Illness? I suppose, and sickness of the mind. Maybe it’s some form of dragon-sickness, like the kind that drove you to [the text has been scratched out multiple times] I don’t like to think about that.

  
It’s easier to smile now. I thought I might never again. But, as I said:

  
I’m getting better.

 

From, Bilbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, now we're going back to regular updates.
> 
> Please leave a comment! Thank you for reading.


	6. T.A. 2945

Blothmath,

 

Trewsday,

 

T.A. 2945

 

Thorin,

 

I given it much thought over these past 3 years and I’ve finally come to terms with it.

 

~~ I love you.  ~~

I  _ loved _ you. 

 

And now I don’t know what to do.

 

Bilbo

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates Tuesday and Thursday  
> Please leave a comment! :--)  
> (Don't worry, a long chapter is coming next)


	7. T.A. 2949

Winterfilth,

 

Trewsday,

 

T.A. 2949

 

Thorin,

 

Balin and Gandalf visited today. It’s strange, I look at my life and see only the remnants of a past I don’t belong to. I guess I’m finally starting to really feel out of place here in the Shire. Even so, I can’t seem to leave again. ~~Perhaps it was because of you?~~

Balin says he’s going to reclaim Moria with Ori and Oin following suit. I worry for him, but he assured me that the colony would consist of many a dwarf and they were not ill prepared for a goblin attack. Still, I wonder, what other things lurk in the Misty Mountains. I know there are worse things than goblins. In any case, I expressed my regards to the rest of the Company and Balin has promised to deliver my well-wishes before he leaves on his venture.The entire time Balin and I spent talking, Gandalf, that nosey wizard, walked about my halls and examined (I expect) everything in my possession. I cannot tell if he does this out of concern or pure mischief. In all cases, I believe he learned his lesson after trying to stand up in my main hall. He hit his head right on my chandelier! I soothed his aching head with the only thing I had on hand: Old-Toby (though I suppose that may have made it hurt more, but who am I to judge the vigor of obstinate wizards?) In the end, Balin and Gandalf left with the wizard’s pride entirely intact. It was quite amusing.

Hamfast finally formally asked to court Ms. Goodchild earlier during Wedmath. I for one _wasn’t_ surprised. I’m very happy for them, but judging by the amount of time it took him to rile up the courage to ask to court her… I think I won’t be attending a wedding anytime soon.

Lobelia has lessened on her spoon stealing, which is a slight relief for me. She still insists that I stay inside too often. I refuse to believe her. I just enjoy my own company much more than hers.

I think about you… Not as much anymore, I find myself occupied by the trivials of daily routine so as not to sink into sadness. I worry I will find myself tired and empty again. Mind you, it still occurs, but in less _long_ proportions. Sometimes I will be weeding my garden and think: “What is the point?” It terrifies me, this sinking. But I try not to dwell on it.

 

Yours,

 

Bilbo

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates every Tuesday and Thursday! Thanks for the response!  
> Keep commenting! :--)


	8. T.A. 2955

Blotmath,

 

Sunday,

 

T.A. 2955

 

Thorin, 

 

I am so tired.

I have tried and tried and  _ tried  _ to be sociable these past weeks with my family. They are so insufferably tight-minded! I could not help myself, I found myself shouting at them over a simple matter of books. 

Books! 

My cousin Bodo actually said I had too many. 

_ Too many books in my home!  _ I can’t believe it. 

After all, it was you who said “Go back to your books and your armchair.” Now they expect me to give it up because they insist that too many books can fuddle the mind. 

They expect me to clear my smial for children! 

What if I don’t want children?

What if the only person I love lays dead in a stone tomb halfway east across a continent?

I have never been so insulted! 

 

[The rest of the paper has been torn, presumably due to accident]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the wonderful comments! Keep them up!


	9. T.A. 2960

Afterlithe,

 

Heavensday,

 

T.A. 2960

 

Thorin,

 

I have news of Hamfast! He has officially become my gardener.

Tending it by myself did wonders to my mood but it really needs more help than just one simple hobbit.

Also, (this news is must more interesting than Hamfast’s recent job acquisition) Bell and Ham have finally married! 

They’ve moved near me into Bag-Shot Row and I couldn’t be happier! Bell often comes over for tea and I have found that over the years my name has become a sort of mystic attraction.

Once I was even called “Mad Baggins!”

Can you imagine? 

So naturally the title has sparked the curiosity of many a faunt here in the Shire. I have entertained guests of all ages in these past months. Tweens and faunts of the like, and of course, the occasional interested hobbit from the market place. 

I have been run rampant making tea and biscuits for everyone, but trust me, that hasn’t put a damper on my spirits.

It’s refreshing, and nice to chat with others again.

I still miss you, but the ache feels less like a wound and more like a scar.

 

An improvement I suppose.

 

I give you all my love.

 

Yours, Bilbo

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for commenting! Keep it going!


	10. T.A. 2965

Foreyule,

 

Highday,

 

T.A. 2965

 

Thorin,

 

Hamfast and Bell have had a child! 

Their first, of course, named Hamson. He has all the roundness of his father and all the personality of his mother from what I can deduce so far. He’s almost a year old now, just budding at 11 months. He has small wisps of dark hair that grace his tiny feet and I feel so large around him though I am so small.

All is well. Lobelia has stopped stealing spoons all together now that she has her devil of a child to deal with.

Lotho: is his name, only almost two years old but I can say with surety his disposition is very similar to the mother. I do  _ not _ look forward to his tween years. 

This year’s winter has been kind, last year, as you recall, there was that mild storm that threatened to freeze the Brandywine. I was so happy when it ended, I felt I could kiss the Sun’s golden cheeks out of joy. Thankfully, we’ve had none such thing.

The hearth was warm, and I have invited the Gamgee’s over for Yule. I have taken it on myself to find the best gift for their young boy. Perhaps I will get him something simple, like rope to play with…

I admit I am a bit out of touch when it comes to what may be a child’s plaything. 

In any case, I’m sure he will like whatever I give him (I hope)

I think I may have an idea for a story. I do not know what exactly it will be, but I can feel the thoughts forming in my head like blooming carnations.

I’m sure whatever I write, you will definitely be in it.

 

Yours,

 

Bilbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I'm going to update today, Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday! Since the fic is drawing to the close I figured it would be my little present to you all. Remember to keep commenting! :--D


	11. T.A. 2969

Solmath,

 

Sterday,

 

T.A.2969

 

Thorin,

 

Hamson joins me in my kitchen constantly now. 

He plays often with ropes around the smial and I always find different knots on each one. 

Bell visits weekly and brings Hamson over to play. I can hear him now (such a lively 5 year old) He brings a smile to my face. 

The newest addition, Halfred, has been grabbing at Bell’s clothes when she sews (silly little thing) He’s even smaller than his brother at his age. 

Speaking of Hamson

[The words “Hello” are scribbled in large, messy charcoal]

He sends his regards (as you can see)

What a delightful child. You would love him, he often reminds me of Kili. 

He has wide bright eyes and thirst for answers. I’m sure he’ll find all the answers he’ll need.

I’ve been trying to write some more in recent times, actually I’ve just written a 

[A large amount of text is smudged out] 

getting along very well.

Anyway, I admire their attempts at friendship, though Lotho makes it harder for both of them. 

I think of you.

 

Forever Yours,

 

Bilbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep up the comments! :--D


	12. T.A. 2972

Astron,

 

Mersday,

 

T.A. 2972

 

Thorin,

 

A third child, their first girl!

Daisy is her name, and she has the brightest eyes I’ve ever seen. Hamson and Halfred fuss constantly over her. At times I’ve heard them complain about the babies crying.

I have told the boys that it’s natural for a child to cry but they just won’t believe me.

I still entertain visitors, though less often now that I have Bell and Ham over many hours of the day.

I have endeavored to invite my cousin’s Primula and Drogo. Their young lad Frodo is only 4 but he can already write his first name. 

(With maybe a little help from his father and I) 

He plays actively with Hamson and Halfred and dotes over Daisy with the same passion as her brothers. It’s very adorable. I can tell that he’ll grow up to cause trouble.. 

When I find myself looking at him, it reminds me of you. 

I know that is strange to say due to the fact that you are dead and Frodo is certainly not a dwarf.

Still, there is a resemblance. He has the same striking blue eyes and raven hair. Mind you, he does  _ not  _ have any grey hair as you did.

Primula and Drogo are very lucky to have him.

Did you know that Frodo was born the same day as I? I guess I shall invite the family over every year from now on to make up for the four I missed. 

The seasons are changing again. I am certainly not the young hobbit I once was, for I was 50 when I left my doorstep running after you and now I’m 82. 

I feel my age but I don’t look it, a curious attention that has made my rumor grow larger over past years. 

The Shire seeks to mystify faunts with tales of my travels as warning. Obviously, I encourage an adventure whenever one can afford it.

I am old, and getting older still. I wonder if you would have lived by my side. A foolish thought seeing how I am here and you are not. Still, I remain.

 

All My Love,

 

Bilbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates all this week!! :--D Its almost over


	13. T.A. 2972

Astron,

 

Sterday,

 

T.A. 2972

 

Thorin,

 

The Shire is a peaceful place: full of mirth and gaiety, affluent food, and warm hearths in Winter, but I find myself longing to travel.

But, I cannot, not yet. Not when Bell plans on another child and Frodo grows into his feet. I feel I must stay for them, this extended family I that has grown about me like a wild garden.

I often miss my dwarfs. 

My correspondence with Balin stopped months ago, I do not know if he has forgotten me or… I try not to dwell on it.

When I look at Frodo I am reminded of things I cannot have, will never attain, and it’s painful. 

I have better news though: I have started my first draft of a story. 

A record of events, of our travels specifically. The days we spent together, the nights. The trolls, the goblins, eyes that glow in the dark. 

All of it.

I know not when I will finish it. 

On some days I cannot even pick up a quill for fear that I will remember all the horrible deeds I have done and have seen. 

So my tale will unfold at a snail-like pace, perhaps never coming to fruition. 

I think of you, my love, and I wait for the day when I will see your face again,  for I am afraid I will forget it

 

Love,

 

Bilbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep commenting! :--D


	14. T.A. 2976

Halimath,

 

Mersday,

 

T.A. 2976

 

Thorin,

 

Today Frodo and I celebrated our birthdays.

It was a small affair (the boy’s a bit shy) The Gamgee’s brought along the newest addition to the family. May, her name is.

I begin to wonder when they will stop, but hobbit’s are known for their large families.

Perhaps Frodo and I are the exception?

Frodo, newly 8, and I, newly 86, blew out our candle lit cake and delivered gifts to our guests.

It was all very jolly and wonderful and Frodo insisted that Hamson teach him how to tie the most intricate knot he knew.

I actually

 

 

[Ink obscures the rest of the text, probably spilled by being knocked over by excited faunts]

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep commenting, and I apologize now for the next chapter.


	15. T.A. 2980

Blotmath,

 

Monday,

 

T.A. 2980

 

Thorin,

 

It’s so terrible, _ so terrible _ what has happened. But, my mother Belladonna always used to say that one should start a letter with good news.

Hamfast and Bell had another child this 6th of Astron, named Samwise, he is the roundest of the four. He has golden brown skin and wonderful honey coloured hair.

Now to more serious business...

Primula and Drogo have passed. Poor Frodo, only 12, has been sent to live in Brandy Hall and I do not know how long that will last.

I grieve for them, they were both such kind people. I have heard some vicious lies and slander upon their deaths. 

There has been talk that Drogo pushed Primula and she dragged him down into the depths of the river with her. 

Such morbid talk is horribly damaging for a child. I cannot stand by but I know not what to do.

After they passed I have begun to get bouts of the illness again.

It never truly left me, that is true, but I had felt better in recent years, more alert, and now I feel as though I’m sinking down all over again.

 

I don’t know how long this will last.

 

Bilbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry but its canon ;-)


	16. T.A. 2985

Rethe,

 

Sunday,

 

T.A. 2985

 

Thorin,

 

Frodo still presides at Brandy Hall.

I’ve been told by one of my cousins that he keeps the company of some of their youngest faunts. (When he’s not stealing mushrooms.)

I find myself more and more intrigued by him as the years grow. Every once in awhile I will entertain the thought of him coming to live with me but then brush it off as nonsense. Maybe nonsense is what I need… Not yet in any case.

I have been told the main faunt he directs his attention to is his young cousin Merry (only 3 from what I’ve heard) I’m sure they will cause much mischief in the future, let us hope he does not befriend a Took!

My cousins down at the Hall would never have peace again!

Bell has finally resolved to tell me that their daughter Marigold is the last of the faunts they will entertain running about in their smial. I certainly agree with her, 6 children is a lot of mouths to feed much less entertain. 

Samwise says he wants to help in my garden with Hamfast the little dear, so I’ve taken to teaching him his letters when he comes over to tend the tomatoes with his father. It’s amazing to watch his face light up as I read to him my drafts of stories. 

I’ve got him reading simple sentences now and he enjoys stories of elves even more than I did as a child! 

I’m sure he will grow to something larger than himself later in life.

I just hope I am there to see it.

I give you all my love.

 

Bilbo

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'tis the beginning of the end,, next chapter is the last!! Keep commenting! Thank you!


	17. T.A. 2989

 

Thrimidge,

 

Trewsday,

 

T.A. 2989

 

Thorin,

 

I have done it. I have taken action.

I have officially adopted Frodo as my own.

He calls me “Uncle” for I insisted that “Cousin” would be strange.

I wonder… Am I doing the right thing? For 9 years he has lived in Brandy Hall seemingly content, but… He seems much happier here and when I see him smile I think I am doing something right.

Can I really foster this child?

He is 21 and I am 99. I am old and I can tell he suspects it, though I look as though I am not a day over 60.

I feel like I cannot do this alone, and yet, I’m not alone, for I have Frodo and the Gamgees who support me.

I am glad of that.

I wish with all my might that I could write to you of mundane things: the weather, fashion, my garden.

But, I think I don’t need to anymore.

I feel like there is a finality to this letter of mine.

I have written so long to you with no hopes of a reply. A reply... I often laugh to myself about that. I know you cannot return from death and I have come to terms with that. I think I have come to terms with a lot of things. If I live to 129 I doubt I would forget you, Thorin.

I feel a calling to the mountains, to the sea, to Erebor. I think I will begin planning another adventure. Maybe I’ll bring Frodo along. He shows a lot of promise, and I have no doubt he will grow into a happy adult if I nurture him right.

He has a shine in his eyes, and now I see he is much more different than you. Your eyes… they were sad, his are bright.

I hope they remain shining for a long time.

Who knows when we will meet again, but I feel when we do, I will not be in Middle-Earth.

 

I guess I will just have to wait for that day.

 

Maybe, just maybe, you’ve been reading these behind my back.

 

But, that can’t be true, as much as I wish it.

 

I love you.

 

I think I’m finally letting go.

 

Bilbo

  
  
  
  
  


**[The letters end here]**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the wonderful comments and support around this fic! In a way (and lmao i didnt even realize it until i had reread it during editing) this fic is a sort of vent of all the shit my family has gone through (still is going through) in the past three years, so thank you for sticking around to the end! :--)
> 
> find me on tumblr:  
> http://fishfingersandscarves.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> New Chapters will be uploaded every Tuesday and Thursday! Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!


End file.
